incentred345

they wouldn't let me in

Mon, 17 May 2004 04:34:23 GMT

I went to go see a movie the other evening with my parents. They wouldn't let me in, he could tell that I am under 21. Damn, do I really look so young? Helene flies in tomorrow, it means that I won't be so much of an ass to people around me. It makes me happy.

Okay, back to my paper. God I don't like writing literature papers.

coffee headache- need another pot

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 04:58:17 GMT

Have you ever had so much to do that you can't do any of it? I spent all weekend trying to get ahead on my homework. I'm burned out and i didn't finish any of it. i miss Helene so much. my one-on-one is tomorrow with drew, if right now is any indication, he is going to get an earful tomorrow :) he said in my evaluation that i am one of the few RA's that uses their 1-1 like a counseling session. i have a feeling that it might change tomorrow.

so Friday afternoon i visited with Shlomo, he said that i need to stop making B's if i want to get into any kind of graduate school. all of my professors are from the best math graduate schools in the world!, they give out grades like it too... people so much smarter than myself made B's this year in Topology this year (what i have to make an A in next year) with a really good (but ULTRA-HARD) prof next year. on top of my low math ego right now i spent all day studying a Theorem's proof. I was literally banging my head against the wall. i have had about three liters of coffee today and i still hardly understand this stupid theorem. How am I supposed to understand a 4 page proof!??!!?!?

I am so tempted to just go make money after college in computer science... even though i know i'd be happier pursuing a math PHD. But who knows, maybe I won't be able to get into any kind of decent graduate school and i won't even have a chance. they treated me like a math genius at PSU for taking multivariable calculus as a high schooler… they gave me A’s right and left. Now taking multi-calc again I am treated like I’m never going to even pass.

When I am in a class where the graduate students don’t know what the hell is going on, I expect myself to get an A, and I can’t even figure out the logic on ONE proof after staring at it for 7 hours!?!?!? HOW have I been finding happiness in this study up to this point!?!?!

Whatever… it is time for rounds now. It is a wonderful RA life I lead.

wonderful

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 06:28:06 GMT

life is being to good to me right now.

I love my girl friend to death, my boss is almost my best friend, Diane watchs movies with me and sits under the stars with me whenever I want, my classes are all cut and dry, and the weather has been great.

It it almost feels like the calmness before a storm. Had I done my homework earlier today I might be able to write more right now... but I didn't.

Back here in Eugene.

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 19:31:13 GMT

Back here in Eugene. Classes start in the morning. My room is a mess. I contradanced last night. I already miss Helene horribly. I just want classes to start, a job for this summer, and some coffee... I think I'm going to go get some coffee.

PS. Back up your important computer files atleast every two weeks. Why? Becuase I do-- and I'm cool like that.

spending time with Helene

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 22:52:18 GMT

So I have been hanging out with Helene this spring break. It has been fun. Helene is so wonderful, she is making me tea right now. And then we are going to watch a movie and then take a nap. -life is good.

777-7777

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 09:31:36 GMT

Fire drill in Carson on my duty night. Happy St. Patties day everyone- I'll be the one going through your buzzing building tonight.

finally done with duty for the term

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 08:31:05 GMT

I'm done with duty for the term. Well I guess after I turn the pager in I'll be done. But still, no more rounds.

Diane is going to Scotland next year. I like the idea that she almost didn't go so that she could have spent next year with me next year. She is a good friend. Although I am glad that she is going, it will be a great experience for her, I am angry that all of my friends seem to leave after getting to know me semi-well. I realized a few months ago that I have never had a friend for more than about 2 years without moving away (or me moving away.) It kinda sucks, people always seem to have their lifelong friends that they met in grade school. I don't have that. It's alright though, life goes on. I don't really care.

I have realized that I like to see people suffer. It makes me feel like I'm not the only one struggling in this messed up world. I don't think that people in our culture suffer enough- they all seem to make choices that will simply make their life easier; not to say that I am a big exception. I am planning on purchasing a Gamecube to numb the pain of having a long distance relationship.

I was looking at the requeirments of a graduate school I want to go to. I don't think I'm going to work after my undergraduate studies, there just isn't any "real-world experience" in my field. It would be pointless for me to remove myself from school for a few years.

Thats it for now. Time for some more restless sleep.

God I hate this.

Contradancing

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 21:40:36 GMT

Last night Diane and I went contradancing. I was fun (even though we got lost a few times getting there.) The caller towards the end thanked all of the first timers, "Thank you for coming, and we encourage you to come again- look at all of the good is has done these people." Or something like that, they were all very creepy, and I was surprised at how hard it was for a lot of them to remember the dance. It was fun

Afterwards, Diane and I went and got steamers- another enjoyable activity.

This was all possible becuase I have my car here in Eugene now. I went to Portland on Friday and got it. (I also picked up my playstation and games, I plan on slacking off next term.)

A Useless Day

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 07:29:47 GMT

Today was almost completely useless. I didn't get anything done. Atleast the weather was good.

Sunny day and Fourier Analysis

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 00:03:56 GMT

I just got done sitting out in the grass with Diane. We were out there since after breakfast. It was wonderful. The sun is out and it is so warm. It is delightful. Now I'm working on Fourier Analysis, fun stuff, but I need to sharpen up on my calculus.

another week almost done

Fri, 05 Mar 2004 07:08:19 GMT

Yea :) I have survived another week of toil. Finals are going to be done before we know it and then I am shipping myself off to see Helene!

my wish came true

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 06:52:29 GMT

Last week at my staff meeting, our weekly “if” question had to do with what smell you would want to remove from the earth. My answer was the removal of all of the smells that we have to smell during rounds.
This week that wish was fulfilled!; tonight I didn’t smell ANY of the bad RA rounds smells (because of my running nose). It made me happy.

happy running nose

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 05:55:35 GMT

Today was boring. I was supposed to be writing my philosophy paper all day today, I kind of put it off until tonight… but I have rounds. I guess I didn’t think this one through. All well.
On the bright side of things, even though I was sick all day and even missed a class due to my running nose, I enjoyed myself immensely. The air just felt so smelled so good today, I wasn’t able to stop myself from smiling. Go figure.

better

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 08:26:34 GMT

Hanging out with Diane. We are playing Reversi, she is IM'ing with her boy at the same time. Helene went to bed. I'm feeling better, I want Spring break to be here and everything to be better with Helene and I again. I miss her so much. I drank a large cup of coffee at 10:00 tonight. That probably wasn't the best idea.

all the coffee in the world

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 01:18:19 GMT

It feels like all of the coffee in the world wouldn't be able to get me out of this weird mood I'm in. All I have been able to think about is a geometry problem that I can't seem to solve and how much that I miss Helene. I have two papers due this week. One's due tomorrow, you'd think that I would be working on them. nope.

"life" is overrated

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 07:41:40 GMT

Diane is out tonight, thus why I have so much free time on my hands tonight. Usually I would be working on my continuous stream of homework and/ or hanging out with Diane. Instead she is out tonight with two boys that she went to high school with. (Hence why I have so much time.)

So today started with Analysis, I got my second midterm back… I got a 70%. A disappointment being that I lost the majority of my points on the most mundane of questions or details. I proceeded to my education class, which has me worried about the next generation of teachers. I think that I want to home school my children. We got out an hour early. During geometry was trying not be distracted by the professor while I was trying to work on a personal problem. It is a hard one; I haven’t told anyone about it- I don’t want to let it get out before I have a proof. I don’t want anyone else publishing my theorems without at least putting my name in… don’t get me started.

So after classes I picked up the new Hilbert Space newsletter. My article made the first page. Yahoo… such an accomplishment, I spent so much time working on it… well not really I guess I didn’t even start it until two days after it was due.

So this afternoon I played a few hours of Animal Crossing, and then hung out in my room… had a talk with Helene- which I guess I’ll get to now…

So I’m in a serious relationship with this girl named Helene. We have been going out now for over two years- she currently lives in D.C. I live here in Eugene. I found out about ten days ago that she’s leaving in the middle of this summer and going to South Africa until the summer after. It isn’t so much that I probably will only see her for about three weeks in a two year time period; it is just that didn’t talk to me first before she applied. I love her so much, I just want to be done with my undergraduate studies and be living with her.

I think if I cut off my genitals I’d do much better in school, the long distance relationship would be much easier and I’d be able to focus and on my math.

This brings me back to the one of the only constants in my life: the fact that I go on crazy mathematical rampages from time to time. They usually have me on my floor with piles of books and papers. I signed myself up as a math major- this weirdness has been covered up. I hopefully get a PHD in eight years and then crazy math rampages will just be a job description. I can’t wait.

So the moral of the story is, I get to see Helene for a total of a few days before college ends, I am crazy. Nothing you didn’t know before you read this beautiful piece of literature.